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The other morning you awoke a bit before my alarm. Since we were up a little early, we decided to hang out. You asked for us to read a book together. So we sat in your bed and just read. I think the book was "How do Dinosaurs Eat their Food."
The extra time from our early awakening evaporated oh-too-soon.
I had to go take a shower to get all clean and business-presentable for work.
You popped in the bathroom to talk to me for a bit at the end of the shower, asking me questions about lotion, and shaving, and flossing.
You followed me into the closet as I headed off to get dressed.
You quickly figured out what I was up to.
"Where you going?" you asked.
"I have to go to work, buddy."
"No. You don't go."
I got on one knee. You put your arms around my neck.
"I want you to know that when I'm at work every day, I think of you and Mommy and Julia all the time. And I can't wait to come home and be with you."
"Don't go."
"I'm sorry, Aidan. But I have to go to work."
"Why?"
I tried to explain how the house and the electricity and the water and even the food all cost money, and Daddy goes to work to earn the money. I told you that I have to bring home the bacon.
"Do you understand?" I asked.
You turned away from me, folded your arms on your chest and said "I don't. I don't understand."
To be honest, at that moment I didn't understand either. It sucked. I was tempted to just stay home all day, every day with you. But...we kind of need a home to stay home at.
I'm so sorry Aidan- and you too Julia- that this is the way the world works. I wish I could take like 5 paid years off to be home with you guys while you're little and then just work until I'm 72. But I don't think companies like that kind of deferment plan.
So, I'm on lunch break right now- the first one I've truly taken away from work in a long while- and since I can't be with you, I'm writing to you, and -as always- thinking about you.
One day, when you're both older and have little ones of your own, I'll hopefully be nearing 72 and I can use those 5 years to spend days on end with your little ones, so that they'll miss their Daddies and Mommies just a little less, like how Pops and Mimi and Yaya and Baba do for you.
That's the trade off, I guess. And that's the understanding.
But please know, while you don't understand now why I have to be here and you have to be there, I'm not distraught and not sad. I'm thankful that we have such a good set up that your Mommy gets to be with you every day, and I'm excited for every moment I get to spend with you both, after work, on weekends, and days off, when I get to enjoy the company of those for whom I working so hard.
All my love,
Daddy
