Nasty Nausea and Late Night Cravings

What do Arby's, Chocolate Milk, Pumpkin Seeds, Pistachio Ice Cream, Jolly Ranchers, Almond M&Ms, Ginger Ale, Bagels and Matzah Pizza have in common?

These are your mother's recent cravings, some of which represent late-night-in-pajamas Kroger visits or early-morning in-pajamas Einstein's trips or cold-and-rainy-grocery visits.

Some of them are also, purportedly, homeopathic/sweet tooth nausea remedies.

But, really, your brother, mother and I are just hoping that once the first trimester passes that the nausea will too. Because, for the love of all that's holy, we need our Holly back!

She's laid up on the couch like she's got some 18th century epidemic, and the only thing that can save her is...pumpkin seeds...the David brand...at 9:30 at night. Oh, but those only work for a bit, and by the next day, the pumpkin seeds might as well be poison.

So, I've been eating them. I assume I'll eat the M&Ms and other items too. Sympathize with me for future sympathy weight.

You are 8 weeks old and 2 days. You are the size of a raspberry!My sources tell me that your fingers and toes are now only slightly webbed and your cute little tail is now gone altogether. The source also says that you're moving your tiny arms and legs like crazy, but that your mother can't feel it yet.

I beg to differ: from the amount of seasickness we've got in this house, I'd say something's making a wave pool in your Mom's belly! But, that's okay- that's what you're supposed to be doing!

As for me? Well, I'm moving my arms and legs like crazy too: walking through the grocery store and waving my arms at the aisles until everything your mother's craving is in the basket!

update: as the weekend progressed I went back to Kroger's for Almond Milk, Mangoes, Fruit Leather, Plums (which I forgot), more Almond Milk, Almond Butter and Rice Cakes.

And then the other night you mother asks me "would it be too much trouble to make an apple crumble?" So, I baked.

At least I didn't have to go to the store!

Can you keep a secret?

2/7/2012: Aidan, guess what? At dinner tonight your Mommy let me talk about my entire day at work and then she surprised me by telling me something very exciting. Your Mommy might not look like it...but...

It looks like you're going to be a big brother!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


2/8/2012: I just can't stop smiling!

2/9/2012: Baby Weinstein, we have a doctor's appointment all set up for a week from today..hopefully we'll get to see you and hear your heartbeat! The cravings are already beginning! Your Mommy's craving meat: hamburgers, steak, beef fajitas. Meat meat meat. Also, she had a bowl of cereal at 10 pm last night. And so it begins! How exciting! You must be a very hungry baby indeed! Your big brother, Aidan, is the only other person in the world who knows about your right now (except of course the scheduler at the doctor's office and the doctor). But we've already seen your Mimi and Pops and your Nana and we haven't slipped a word yet.

The three of us are happily keeping you our little secret. Aidan has been saying "baby" whenever he he sees a baby ("bay...beee!"), but he doesn't really quite know what's going on yet. Although, to be fair, it all seems so surreal to your Mommy and Me right now... I mean, right now you're just the size of a poppy seed and only a few weeks old. You will seem more real to us as the days and weeks go on and before you know it, you'll be able to come out here and meet us and play with your brother and your dogs; and we'll be able to hold you in our arms. But, for now, you stay in there, where it's nice and warm and do as much growing as you can. Who knows, we may even buy you a steak!



2/11/2012- The weekend has brought back some of our greatest hits, including: super smelling, tiredness and nausea!


After the first time a blanket was put up as a barrier so my nasal exhalings wouldn't directly hit your Mom, I was briefly offended. Then I remembered that your Mom gets super senses when she's pregnant! And Super Smelling came up first this time! (I also remembered that I have a stinky nose)


2/14/2012- Finally! Whew, we had an appointment at the doctor to take a look at you and hear your heartbeat. Then we lost that appointment. We tried to reschedule, but no one could watch your brother, Aidan. Finally we re-re-scheduled back to the original time. Thursday! Thursday! Thursday! We'll get to lay our eyes on you for the first time! (or a black and white sonogramic image of you that will look like a bean or a tadpole or something). We can't wait!


2/16/2012- And, the wait is over! We rushed to the doctor after dropping your brother off at school, excitedly ran into the lobby and... waited for a half an hour. You know...usual doctors office stuff.

But then, they finally saw us, and we could finally see you!

You exist! You are real! (Really real).

Right now, you're a black dot. See that black dot in the middle of the screen? Kinda looks like a doughnut? I don't either. But, apparently, that's you!
Dr. Bertrand confirmed that you are definitely growing in there! And that you'll probably be arriving in mid October, 2012. Your Mom thinks 10/11/12 would be a really rad day to be born. I'm not a fan of odd numbers, but at least the year is even and so is the month!

We'll be going back to the doctors in two weeks to check on you again and hopefully see and/or hear your heart beat!

And then, Dr. Bertrand said the 9 week sonogram is really the creme de la creme of sonography: the best picture you'll ever take (besides, maybe, graduation and wedding). So, we'll see you for picture day quite often!

But until then, you're safe in your Mom's tummy with me, your Mom, your Brother and your Dogs. I guess since this is our 'official' proof that your official, and we're gonna start telling our immediate support network (aka your grandparents and aunts and uncles), then I'd better officially welcome you to the family! Welcome, Baby Weinstein, the second!

The secret will soon be out, so, Aidan, if you're reading, you don't have to keep a lid on it any more-- you're going to be a big brother! And, little one, you are going to be a little sibling!!!

A Year Already!

I know old news is a bit boring, but this is the one year anniversary of some of the best news I've ever gotten!

I can't believe it's been a year already!

The Cursory Nursery Kerfuffle: Curtains on Fight Night

You've heard of "The Rumble in the Jungle," "The Thrilla in Manilla" or "Kramer V. Kramer" right? (Me neither, but I looked them up).

Well, add another fight to the record books: The Cursory Nursery Kerfuffle I forgot the cardinal rule of pregnancy: don't pick a fight with a pregnant woman and don't take anything she says or does personally.

Actually that's two cardinal rules.

Here's how it all went down: Last night after dinner and a little TV, we decided to put up the curtains in your nursery. Before we did so, I wanted to jump on the computer (not literally, that would break it) for a quick second to check my email and do a few other things.

Meanwhile, though, your Mom was getting impatient with me. I told her I'd be off in a second, and she didn't believe me...which was a good call, because I was definitely on it for more than a literal OR figurative second.

But after a really quick email, and then an even quicker check on something on Facebook and then what was meant to be a really quick check of a PDF that was emailed to me (totally all NOT work related, by the way-- I don't do office work at home, you'll be pleased to know!), she was already beyond impatient.

Your Mom had already moved into the realm of irrational anger and said that I always make her wait! To which I replied, "I'm sorry, I'm here now. Let's put up the curtains."

(please note that all conversations are mere facsimiles of what actually ocurred... I can't remember a whole conversation verbatim!)

(also please note that through no fault of my own [it's mere human nature] the accounts of last night have been retold in a fashion that makes me look 100 % innocent and wonderful and funny to boot!)

"I don't believe your apology!"

"Okay, but seriously I was only on the computer for like five minutes"

"But that's only because I had to kick you off! Who knows how long you would have been on the computer?"

"Well, it doesn't matter- I'm here now! Let's do this curtain thang!"

"You would have piddled for hours and hours on the computer if I hadn't kicked you off!"

Here's where I made my fatal mistake.

Me: "You're being kinda mean and treating me like a child"

"Now you've made me angry! I'm gonna go sit on the couch now and once I sit down I'm not getting up. No curtains for you!"

"Come on, Dude! Let's put these curtains up while we have the opportunity."

"You do it."

"Why are you mad at me?"

"You're a piddler. And you're denying being a piddler to make me look bad on your awesome blog tomorrow."

"You know, I have redeeming qualities too."

"Don't remind me of those right now!" She said while throwing a throw pillow at me (seriously, if they didn't want them to be thrown, they wouldn't have named them that)

(p.s., those last two lines of dialogue and the pillow throw ARE verbatim!)

So, I decided to go upstairs to do homework to abide by that old saying:

"Never hang drapery while angry"

About 20 minutes later I started hearing the tinkering of tools and the soft pitter patter of heavy-footed angry pregnant walking.

I crept downstairs to see what was going on and I see your mother standing on a kitchen chair in your nursery trying to hang the curtains by herself.

Oh, and she was definitely still mad at me. But, she listened to reason at least and got off the chair and allowed me to hang the curtains while she and her stalwart guardians (Toby and Preston) sat and watched me.

2 1/2 hours, 3 unfilled gaping holes in the drywall and the hanging of 2 curtains 3 times later (hey, I'm not a handyman yet!), and the curtains were finished.

And it was curtains on the argument.

Oh yeah, except that I pouted for the rest of the night (which was, by that time, only 20 minutes long).

This morning, though, it's definitely curtains on that little kerfuffle. If only I'd remembered the cardinal rules of dealing with a pregnant woman, the whole thing would have been avoided. But, then again, the curtains probably wouldn't have been hung! So, there's a plus side to everything.

And, as a coda, when debriefing on the events of last night, I recevied word from your Mother that the woman in the house last night actually WASN'T her at all.

I let her know that even if it wasn't her, I was still being a total dope of a moron and should have known better than to pick a fight with a pregnant woman...especially when I was on curtain call! I admitted to being a loutish brute, a no-good ragamuffin and a cantakerous old coot sympathetic to skullduggery. She agreed with me on this assessment.

As a note, man to man, hormones do whacky things to pregnant women. During the whole pillow and stern word-throwing portion of the fight your Mom couldn't stop laughing either, so I didn't know if she was joking or not! Honestly, though, that's not too bad at all to go 22 weeks of pregnancy without one of these hormone-crazed absolutley ridiculous non-sensical scuffles.

All I have to remember is that when a woman is pregnant, her husband is always wrong! Easy enough; future fights mediated.

Note: no curtains were harmed in the making of this blog post. One nursery wall, however, now has three or four extra "speed holes" in it.

Fitting Revenge

Your Mom and I went shopping over the weekend with the intent of getting her some new pants. Some larger pants. Some pants that fit her. Some pants that she can wear without having to discretely unbutton while sitting down. That was the plan.


Somehow, though, that plan was completely reversed: I wound up getting a pair of pants. But not just any pants, and not necessarily the pair of pants I would have purchased for myself. Your Mom, and the nice lady cleaning out the rest of the dressing room stalls, were offering all sorts of advice.

But baggy khakis are sometimes just more comfortable, Jared!

In an effort to get me out of "baggy" clothes and into a pair of pants that actually show off the fact that I have legs (the Weinstein chicken legs...pray you don't get those) and a tuchas (also pray you don't get a Weinstein version of that too), Holly wound up convincing me to get a pair of Dockers Slim Fit.

Slim? I've lost weight since college, sure, but I don't think of myself as "slim!" And the pants were, well, snug.

Wearing them at work yesterday I wasn't uncomfortable, per se, but I was always aware of my pants. Aware that they were on me, confining movement a little bit, revealing my gams, constricting my waist. Or in other words, "they fit."

How obscene! You can see the contour of that man's legs!

As I sat there wishing I had just worn my old worn-out khakis that are much too big (and way more comfortable), I couldn't help but wonder: was this pair of pants an act of pregnancy revenge?

After all, I am partially to blame for your Mother's current condition and, therefore, partially responsible for HER pants not fitting.


What a fitting revenge, then, that your Mother be responsible for MY pants not being as roomy as they used to!


Could she be that diabolical? Could I be "forced" to walk in her shoes (or fit in her pants) as the pregnancy goes on? Honestly, I'm already very sympathetic...I don't need to have a watermelon strapped to my stomach to help me in that regard.

Never trust a woman with a hatchet--especially a pregnant woman who doesn't like your pants.

Or maybe, this tight pants conspiracy is all a misunderstanding; after all, I did look GOOD in those pants. (There's the Weinstein modesty...which you will probably be born with!)


PS. I had a plum with my lunch today. It was really bizarre to hold that plum in my hand. A plum is way bigger than you think it is; and way bigger than I thought when I visualized it earlier this week! A 2.1 inch diameter makes for a substantial-sized baby! Weird!