9. Earth: A Precusor

In honor of the fact that in week 38 of the pregnancy, you only have NINE days left until your due date, I wanted to let you know of 9 things that I really think you'll like about being a human being on earth.

9. Smelling Smells- The nose knows, and as you know, when a nose is heightened - like your mother's was- or deadend -like mine was- things are just kinda out of whack. But there's nothing better than smelling pancakes cooking in the morning, or the smell of freshly cut grass, or popcorn at the movies. Although there are some bad smells which, lets face it, you'll probably produce quite a few of as a baby, smelling is pretty much where it's at.

8. Colors- You probably haven't seen much of any colors, since color needs light and there's no light in the belly except when I shined a flashlight on you (sorry about that!) I'm particularly fond of blue and green. Your Mom like purple and blue. What are your favorite colors going to be?

7. Breathing- I simply can't say enough about breathing air. When you're not doing it, you tend to miss it quite quickly. It's pretty awesome.

6. The sky- I know that your Mom's ribs are about the limit of where you can go upwards now. But, we have a saying here on earth: "the sky's the limit." It's that big bluish grayish thing up above us and it often contains clouds, birds, and celestial bodies. Lots of people want to go up in the sky, but even when you're up in it in an airplane, there's still more sky above you. I really think you'll like the sky.


5. Grandparents - You're a pretty lucky guy! You're gonna have all four grandparents in close proximity. AND you have a set of great grandparents too. From what I know, Grandparents are pretty awesome: they get you stuff, change your diapers, babysit with no notice and generally love everything you do...even if it's smelly. You're going to like your Nannah, Baba, Mimi and Pops. And your Great Grandma and Great Grandpa too! And, on top of Grandparents, you have tons of Aunts and Uncles too!


4. Dogs (and other, minor animals)- What's better than having 4 grandparents? Having 2 dogs! That's an old saying we have here on earth as well. But you're so lucky that you have both! Dogs are kinda smelly, kinda annoying and they make really good lap warmers. They love to play outside and love to sleep all day. Preston and Toby have been very curious about what's growing in your Mom's belly, and I think they'll be really surprised when you come out. But, we know that they'll love you..especially once you start leaving crumbs for them to eat everywhere!


3. Making noise- In space no one can hear you scream. That's a saying we have on earth about that thing above the sky (space). It's kind of true for you too: where you are no one CAN hear you make noise at all. Probably because you can't make noise yet! But the second you come out, you're gonna really get to test your vocal chords and cry, and scream and eventually giggle and gurgle and talk! I really like making noise, much to your Mother's chagrin, especially early in the morning.

2. Food- Now, for a long while you're not going to get to eat grown up food. All you're going to hopefully get is breast milk, and if that doesn't work out then Formula. I'm not sure how good any of those things taste, but I got to imagine they're better than being fed intravenously through a weird cord sticking out of your belly button. That's a bit too Matrix-y for me. Eventually though, you're gonna get to eat all sorts of things: bread, cookies, spaghetti, pizza, apples, grapes, bananas, water, noodles. Food is right up there with my favorite things in the world.

1. Parents- Okay, so this is the power of positive thinking. I'm sure there will be times when you won't be too happy with us, like on Shot day or when we ground you for God-knows-what. But, just so you know, whether you're mad at us or not, we're the two people on this planet who have pretty much been assigned to be your guides and show you around, let you kick the tires and eventually help you find your own little piece of Earth that's all yours. But up until that day, we're gonna be there for you. It's pretty sweet: we're human beings, like you, but we're bigger and have really big arms that are perfect for holding you and rocking you and bathing you. We have really big heads and mouths that we can use to make faces at you and talk to you and teach you things about stuff (since we KNOW you're going to like stuff!). We have cars, and those will come in handy to get you places. Plus, we already have this really awesome thing for you called unconditional love...and we can't wait for you to come and meet you so we can show what that one's all about!


So, there's kind of a crash course on life on earth. It's pretty cool and, in 9 days (give or take a few), you're going to get to see it for yourself! And we can't WAIT for you to get that opportunity!

It's Week 36, and you've got class!

Wow. It's week 36 already! That's the beginning of your ninth month! Just about 4 weeks to go, but theoretically, you could come as early as next Saturday and be considered full term!

But we're keeping our fingers (and legs) crossed for a March debut! But, if you come in February, we won't think you're any less cool!

We celebrated the beginning of your Ninth month in a classroom in the basement of the hospital in which you'll be born.

It sounds boring, I know. But it was anything but boring!

Your mother and I learned so many cool things about labor and pain management and delivery and what happens next!

There's a lot to learn here, dude!

Your mom and I learned some breathing techniques to promote calm (but none of the hee-hee-hee-hooooooo lamaze stuff you see in the movies), I was taught a couple very simple massage techniques (one using a pool noodle) to help your Mom's back, your Mom learned a couple stretches and exercises to help lull you into the right position and loosen her hips. We learned about the magical uterus!

We learned all about different ways to cope with the pain, fear and anxiety about labor. There are tons of things the partner (me) can do to help your Mom work through early labor before we get to the hospital.

Apparently joke-telling isn't one of them.

The teacher had all the women in the class put a clothes pin on the most-sensitive part of their ear and keep it there for one minute. The partners weren't allowed to interact with them at all. The clothes pins stayed on for one minute.


Then we tried the experiment again, but this time, the partners could interact. So we held hands, I played with her hair, did some shoulder massage and told some really awesome jokes.

Your Mom initially thought that she preferred the version Without me! Because, apparently, I was annoying. But, then she learned that the second clothes-pin-on-ear segment lasted for TWO minutes! And she thought it had gone by as fast- if not faster- as the first one.

Turns out I'm not completely useless (much to our collective dismay!).

But, I learned a lot of obvious things too: don't argue with Holly during labor; don't tell her to do things she's already doing (breathe!); don't ask her stupid questions (apparently there are such things!), and don't tell jokes just because I'm nervous. But, I can still be funny if the moment calls for it. I think it was foolish to leave it up to me to determine when that moment may be!
We learned alot about Drugs. Most of our lives they teach us to "Just Say No" to Drugs. But for pregnant women, there are several options to help manage the pain of labor. One is a Narcotic (called an Analgesic) one is an Epidural (which sends pain medicine directly into an area in the spinal column). Before this class your Mom was thinking of being completely drugged up the entire time. She was operating under the axiom that, with today's technology, a woman doesn't need to feel any pain in the labor and delivery.
And that's true! The epidural can be administered so well that the Mother can't even feel contractions. She has to put her hands on her belly to physically feel for them to know when to push!
After seeing these videos and learning more about the options, your Mom has changed her mind. She wants to try to go as long as possible without the drugs. In effect, she wants to feel some of the pain! But, when she's no longer satisfied with her ability to cope, she'll get the druggy druggy drugs.
But her philosophy on the pain management has changed. Your Mom's idea is that a woman shouldn't have to feel any pain that she doesn't want to feel!

At the end of the class, we got on a tour of the facility to see where you will actually be born! We saw the Labor and Delivery rooms (we're definitely requesting one with a jacuzzi in it!) and our Private Room where you, me and your Mom will stay for about 48 hours after your birth.
We also got to peek into the nursery and see two newborn baby girls. They were under an hour or so old, and way bigger than I thought they'd be. Or way bigger than I thought you will be! It's still amazing that a creature that size is inside your Mom's womb right now!
It's even more amazing to think in about 4 weeks we will all be back at that hospital, in those rooms and finally, you will be here!
I watched a little animation at the end of this blog that shows how much you've grown (from a poppyseed or smaller to a watermelon). I must admit, though I didn't cry or get teary eyed, I knew at that moment that when you arrive, I'm most likely going to cry. This was re-confirmed for me while we were sitting in the Private Post-Birth Recovery room where the new family of three will be reunited for the first time. I daydreamed about you, me and your Mom sitting there together. And I knew, again, that I'm going to be so happy to see you, to finally meet you, that -yup-there will be some old fashioned waterworks going on.
But, hopefully I don't cry like a baby. Because, at that point, you'll officially be a baby- instead of a fetus- and crying like one will officially be your job!
Oh, and for the record, I didn't last for 15 seconds with the clothes pin on my ear.