Feel the Kicks

Little one,

I finally was at the right place at the right time.

We were relaxing on the couch when your Mom reached over and grabbed my hand.

She placed it on her belly.

I felt you kick!

Again and again and again.

I couldn't help but smile.

I'd forgotten what an amazing feeling it is, and you, little lady, have some very strong kicks!

Half Way There: Week 20...and kicking

Little One,

You are 20 weeks old...and kicking.

That's right! Your mother feels you kicking many times every day...mostly at night.

She says it feels "like little bones kicking"...which isn't as poetic as I would have hoped. Despite the 'day of the dead' mood that conjures, I am extremely jealous! I still haven't been able to feel your little kicks. Every time your Mom announces that she feels a kick, I put my hand on the belly and wait patiently...and the kicks never come.

Last night, your Mom woke me up and said "give me your hand." I was confused since I had just come out of a slumber, but I was compliant enough and gave her my hand. She placed it on her belly, since you were being very active.

Alas, I still couldn't feel the kicks. I guess they're still only feel-able from the inside. But when they're feel-able  from the outside, you know I'll be first in line.

Even though I couldn't feel you kick, I was content with my hand hovering somewhere near your little foot, and I dozed off holding your Mom's belly.

And even though you're not yet big enough for me to feel from the outside, you're certainly getting bigger. And this week I have proof! Your Mom begrudgingly agreed to take her week 19 and week 20 photos!

Week 19

Week 20

Week 11..WOW!

See, you're waaaay bigger than you were back on week 11!

In fact, now that you're at week 20 and you're half-way here, you're the size of a banana!

Good work! Keep on growing and hopefully soon you'll be doing the banana splits...and I can feel you kick!

Testing the Waters

It's been almost a week since I've written to you, but, don't worry, I haven't been away from you at all.

In fact, I was by your side pretty much the whole time. But that's only because your Mom was by my side.

I had surgery last Thursday in anticipation of your arrival. Seeing your due date approaching faster and faster, I finally decided to do something I've been wanting to do for a long time: have my broken sniffer repaired.

I had what they call a deviated septum, which means that I couldn't really breathe through my nose properly. I hope you get your mother's nose, if only to avoid the deviation and the surgery.

But there was no avoiding it for me. I wanted to be able to be firing on all cylinders (and all nostrils) for all of our time together, so I decided to get the surgery done.

Your Mother - at 34 weeks pregnant- has been my "patient" for a long time, as I've been "babying" her (with good reason) for a lot of the pregnancy. (It's my pleasure to do so, seriously. ) But, starting on Thursday, I was in no condition to take care of your Mom; and she was awesome enough to take care of me.

Let's just say I was testing your Mom's maternal medical instincts- and she passed with super 'A plusses.'

She did the gross (like cleaning out my nose with Q-tips and changing my bandages and not cringing when I had to spit up blood and crud).

She was patient ( like putting up with me, and even being kind to me, while I was on pain killers that made me loopy).

She was strong for me (like telling me it would all be okay, when I was definitely feeling like it wouldn't).

She lifted my spirits (and made my laugh when I didn't feel like I could, and definitely when my stiff face and nasal stitches told me that I shouldn't-- but, despite the brief pain, laughter was the best medicine).

She took my temperature, administered my medicines, taught me how to clean up my own nose and- heck- she even washed my hair.

And all this while 34 weeks pregnant with a ever-growing, kinda painful honeydew in her belly! I knew she was hurting and tired too, but she helped me get better despite that.

So, all that is to say: when your Mom has to take care of you, I know for sure that you are in good hands. That's not to say that there was any doubt before, since she's taken care of me while I was ill (or just bummed) many times over the past 12 years. But this was just a recent reaffirmation that, really, I couldn't ask for a better wife and you couldn't ask for a better mother.

(And, no, I'm not sucking up to her; I'm just calling it like I sees it!)

Your Beautiful Mother, Trying Hard not to Smile

But, I wasn't the only one testing the waters this weekend. As you passsed your 34th week-iversary, you really started testing your Mother too. With one foot - or maybe two- firmly placed against her ribs on her right hand side, you started pushing, and stretching and stretching some more.

This is your new favorite trick; and you've been doing it sporadically all weekend, especially near bedtime. As last night was my first night back in bed (after being quarantined on the couch, to avoid a thrashing Holly hitting my face during my sleep), I was able to feel your foot pressing against her ribs and then pushing even more.

I gently held on to your foot and tried to encourage you to push it down away from her ribs, kind of like scooting a under-the-blankets tennis ball down a bed from on top of the covers (haven't you ever done that before?). But your foot firmly remained in your mother's ribs, definitely testing the limits of discomfort. So, I tried again, this time talking you through it, and almost massaging your Mom's ribs to encourage you to scoot your foot elsewhere.

To be honest, I don't really remember if I was able to get you to move your foot away, because I fell asleep - all this facial healing takes a lot of energy out of you. But, rest assured, after yours and my combined weekend of testing your Mom's strength and resolve and patience, I'm now ready to resign the efforts back to you: it's your solo gig once again.

Worry not, though- I won't leave your side for too long at all. But it will be because I will be by your Mom's side; hopefully helping her, and making her laugh, and making her dinner as you continue to kick her ribs all the way to the finish line, which is now under 40 days away.

Pains and Names: You're number one!

So, now that it's 2010, the official lists for the most popular names of 2009 have come out and, not surprisingly, your name is tops on the list (though it is spelled differently, so technically it counts as a different name).

This wasn't really a surprise, though. Back in the summer when we were coming up with names for you, we really liked the name we eventually chose for you. I'd never met anyone with that name and your mother had only met one. We knew it wasn't the world's most original name, and that it is night impossible to come up with a truly original name that won't be shared with anyone else in the world. Unless you wanted a name like "Urashfsd" or "Hzbsba." And we simply don't earn enough money to afford to name you after an inanimate object like "Apple" or "Paper Clip" or "Seesaw" or "Trigger" like so many rock stars can afford to do.

Using the really cool tool on the Social Security website, we searched your name and saw that over the past years it's been trending upward. So, yeah, we knew it was a popular name. But we didn't know it was going to be number 1 for last year! I mean, for 2008, your name wasn't even on the top 10 list. That means you sky rocketed past Jacob, Michael, Ethan, Joshua, Daniel, Alexander, Anthony, William, Christopher to take the number one spot!

You're number one!

But, even being number one doesn't make a name that popular. For example, last year's number one, Jacob, represented 1.035 % of the people born and named in 2008. That means that about one out of 100 people were named Jacob. So, it'll all depend on WHICH 100 people you choose to hang out with!

Even though we knew it was a popular name, we still decided to give you this name. We love the flow of it, the name itself, the way it fits with our last name, the fact that it honors my Grandmother, the meaning, the sound and- already- it is just...YOU!


It is interesting, though, how names like yours suddenly enter the national conciousness.

Even though we seem to have tapped into some sort of national cosmic trend without knowing it or doing it intentionally, we are sticking with your name! So, forget about it if there are 10 other kids with your name in your 1st grade class: you're still the only you on the planet! Your feelings shouldn't be hurt if you have to share your name with some other cool kids.

You are number one in another category too, though, and this one's a little bit more painful.

With the finish line in sight, the pregnancy is really starting to shift gears toward discomfort and pain.

Your mom just can't get comfortable while she's sleeping because her belly is so big.
She has these short and sorta painful fake contractions, which are just her body prepping for the big day.
Her pants ripped yesterday when she sat down (although, they were old pajama pants that she's had since she was a teenager...but it was still really funny!)

And now, your kicks and movements and jabs are tickling less and less and starting to shock and awe more and more.

Apparently, the bigger you get, the less room there is for amniotic fluid, so the body stops producing it. The lack of amniotic fluid means that there's a lot less cushioning between your fists, elbows, feet and head and your Mom's internal organs and ribs.

But, with pain comes pleasure (it's one of those dumb dualities of life); and you already are giving us so much pleasure in our lives that the pain (which surely pales in comparison to the potential pain down the road...in a month or two) is totally worth it!

So keep on kicking, buddy, and we'll keep watching for your feet to ripple under your Mom's belly. And while I'm smiling at the opportunity to feel you kick, and your Mother is grimacing, just know that we are eagerly waiting your arrival.

See, you're number one already!

Kicks aren't for Kids?

One of our pregnancy books said something that made a lot of sense: as we ease into your due date, you're going to keep growing and growing, filling up the uterus more and more. Soon, your cozy home is gonna be pretty cramped. Now, you won't be uncomfortable or anything, but these tight quarters are definitely going to start cramping your style, and your movements.

And that means we may soon be feeling fewer kicks. And that actually makes me sad! Feeling you kick makes me smile no matter what kind of mood I'm in. In fact, I even fell asleep with a smile on my face and a and on your Mom's belly a few nights ago; you were kicking before bed time!

The book says that we will still be able to feel some smooth, rolling movements; but the short kicks and jabs may be out the window.

For now, though, we're still in the clear on feeling kicks: Last night you had some HUGE movements too, squirming and rolling and kicking and stretching the whole night long. And we'll hold on to each one as long as they last!

But, I can't say that I'm too sad about you stopping kicking soon, because I know that I can feel you kick IN PERSON really soon!

Your Smiling Face

Yesterday your Mom and I went to the doctors, with Mimi and Nannah June in tow. This was a very special visit, as it was our last sonogram appointment, and our last chance to see your smiling face until you come out!

Before the doctors came in, though, I woke you up and got you all riled up: you were rolling, and stretching and maneuvering and kicking everyone's hands- and actually moving our hands so that others could see them rise and fall. Both Mimi and Nannah had a lot of fun feeling you kick.

But they had even more fun when we got to see you! You've grown a lot since we saw you last. You're now 2.5 pounds, and have a lot of definition on your face. You also are moving so much, that the sonogram lady had to chase you around your Mom's belly. She said you were almost "too fast" for her- but she managed to get some pictures:

The doctor said everything was looking great- your spine, your brain, your heart, your umbilical cord. And he even gave your mother a compliment that she'd never received before (and probably never will again): "Your Cervix is Awesome!"

Despite that moment of awkwardness, the appointment went wonderfully. It's hard to imagine how much you've grown...just a month or so ago, you looked like the Skeleton King, and now you bear a striking resemblance to Elmer Fudd!

They said you are a happy, healthy baby. And we already knew that you were an active baby, but you didn't have to show off at the doctors. Perhaps we shouldn't have riled you up first!

Look at that profile! It looks like you may have your mother's nose, and her cheeks. But then again, your Aunt Deborah did call me "Elmer Fudd" for a long enough period of my young life that I actually thought that was my name. So maybe you take after your old man a little too!

I wanna hold your...foot? hand? unknown appendage?

Last night while cuddling on the couch, your Mom and I both had a hand on the belly (yes, it's certainly big enough to accomodate that now). You were doing your sommersaults and kicks and rollings, like usual, but then you did something new, and very cool:

You pushed, and kept pushing, your foot (or hand?) out to us, for at least 10 seconds at a time. Your Mom and I both held your hand (or foot?) and it was truly remarkable. I could feel bone, detect the shape of the appendage and feel you pressing against me.

Remember this picture from before? Well, what you were doing felt like it should've looked like this. But, don't be freaked out, it didn't look like that at all.

Sure, we've felt jabs and even 2-second holds before, but this was as if you were just stretched out in the belly, making yourself as comfortable as possible, kicking your feet all the way out to the edge. And, as a result, you kept your foot out there long enough for us to hold it in the palms of our hands...and smile.

All Hands on Deck: Pre-Thanksgiving Edition

We've made it to week 25, and you've finally graduated from papaya to the next produce item on the list. That's right, buddy, in perfect time for Thanksgiving, you're, no, not a turkey, but an eggplant! (Mimi makes the best Eggplant dish on Thanksgiving...so, it's not a total non-sequitor)

That doesn't mean you're a purple, moslty mushy food that hardly anybody likes; It takes a LOT of effort to get as mushy as an eggplant. What this does mean, though, is that you're growing- probably about 1.5 pounds and 13.6 inches long from head to toe.

But we don't need to play guessing games to know you're there or that you've grown. We can see AND feel that just by watching and touching your Mom's belly.

Over the weekend you were kicking for what seemed like 10 minutes at a time and we both just watched and felt in amazement. In fact, you seem to react a lot to music too! Your Mom and I were playing Beatles Rock Band and at this one point with a lot of bass your Mom saw you dancing along. But more on that later.

We can't help but smile every time we feel you kicking. This show was too good to keep to ourselves, so we had to take it on the road.

At a Pre-Thanksgiving Thanksgiving feast at the home of our friends BJ and Kari, we were all just sitting around talking after the meal. I went over and put my hand on your belly to feel you kicking and then your Mom grabbed Michelle's hand to let her feel too. She felt you kick and, also, couldn't help but smile and laugh! Michelle said she could almost even feel a little foot kicking her hand!

Next thing we knew, everyone wanted to feel you kick and squirm and move, and you didn't disappoint your future "Uncles" and "Aunts" and friends: they all got to feel you kick, and all reacted differently. Uncle Jeremy didn't even realize it when he felt you kick- he thought it was just a muscle spasm!

But everyone overall loved "meeting you"-- and they, like me and your mother, can't wait to meet you for real.

Feeling you kick definitely makes your arrival seem more real...but it still seems so unknown, so far off and altogether UNreal. That is to say, we still can't fathom what it will be like when you're here, nonetheless, we still can't wait for it!

To feel you kicking and hold your feet and see your eyes for real will be beyond words; but for now, feeling and seeing you kick against your Mom's belly is incredible enough and, on this week of good food and family, seeing you kick, feeling you move, watching you grow and knowing you're in there definitely and being able to share that with everyone gives me something to be Thankful for.

And THAT's how you get as mushy as an eggplant!