Social Security

Hey old man! In two days you are going to One month old! Can you believe it?



Well, you're not exactly the old man around here. Your old man is actually the one acting like an old man.

Fatherhood is an amazing experience, and I figured I'd be tired (which I am), and sappy (which I am) and frustrated (which I sometimes am), but I never figured I'd be immobilized.

But that's exactly what happened. On Sunday I somehow threw my back out while- I think- moving you and your car seat. I think I just turned the wrong way and torqued it and by Sunday afternoon, I could hardly move! Days of icy hot, frozen vegetables, hot packs, medicine and complaining later, and I'm still kind of nursing a bad back, but I think it's a lot better. Considering on Sunday that I couldn't even get up from the couch while holding you (because I had to slither off), and now I feel like I could even do a few jumping jacks (not while holding you, of course). But, jeez, nothing like a bad walk to make you feel feeble.

Before the Back Pain (and after too, I promise!)

And your Mom has had her feeble moments too. No, her back is fine, but she hasn't quite figured out how to take a shower when it's just the two of us, so I think she beat my record and went 4 days without showering! But, I think we may have worked out a system: call Aunt Sham or Mimi to come over or wait til Aaron's home and then take a shower.

Family Naps heal what ails you.

Between your Mom's dirty-ness and my aching back (which hurts when I sneeze, by the way!), your Mom and I suddenly feel like we need to start cashing in our Social Security Checks.

Speaking of Social Security, you're official, my good man! Take a look:

Your Social Security Card came in, which means...well, I'm not sure exactly what it means...but you now have a 9-digit number that identifies you! Your Mom and I collectively have the number memorized, but we need to work on individual memorization, because, well, that's what parents do. Your Pops knows ALL of his kids' social security numbers by heart. With just a few more days' practice, I'm sure we'll get it!


I do think it's funny how the SS card wants your signature...right now your signature is a combination of farting, pooping, crying and vomiting. I don't think they want that on their card. And if they did, maybe they wouldn't prohibit us from laminating it...

The Honeydew Period

Feel like you've been squashed for far too long? No, I'm not talking about the rapidly dwindling amount of space you have in your Mom's tummy-- though, I bet that's really squashed quarters. I'm talking about your fruit/veg comparison continuum. After spending 4 weeks on the scales as a "squash," you've now officially been upgraded:

You're now the size of a Honeydew Melon (you know, cantaloupe's amazing, green cousin)! (remind me to tell you a HILARIOUS joke when you come out about why the honeydew told the watermelon they couldn't run away to get married).

What's even more amazing, is that after a honeydew holding pattern for a few weeks, you've only got one more fruit on the list: Watermelon. Clearly these last few weeks are all melon, but that doesn't make us melancholy in any way. Granted, your Mom is struggling a bit in her landings and takeoffs from couches, beds and the floor, and her back pain is getting especially ripe, but she's just ecstatic to have a little honeydew-sized honey growing in her belly! And, in my opinion, she looks absolutely beautiful carrying you, despite the presence of 2/3 of a fruit salad in her tummy.

When we got married, someone told me that I would forever be subject to "honeydew lists;" clearly, this refers to you in this 8th month of pregnancy in some Nostradamus way. Actually, no it doesn't, but it's quite poetic, no? The honeydew list in question is, in fact, a reference to some stereotypical nagging wife forcing her bedraggled husband to do multiple chores: "Honey, Do this!" "Honey, do that!" Well, your Mother's and my relationship doesn't really work like that, as you'll soon know. Sure, we have to-do lists that we both freely populate and depopulate, but there's hardly any nagging. Unless the item on the list is something that I don't really want to do at all, in which case, some nagging or pouting may be necessary to get my butt in gear.

But, at any rate, this weekend - to celebrate your arrival as a honeydew- your Mom and I crossed another item off of our pregnancy honeydew lists. And this was one item that we've both been looking forward to, as it stretched our creative muscles!

A lot of people get professional pictures taken when they're pregnant (these are called maternity pictures). Your Mom thought that I could do a good enough job taking these pictures and -that way- we could have a really cool, personal experience taking them and save a little extra cash to get professional studio pictures taken when you are born!

So, we hung up some sheets, cleaned ourselves up and turned your nursery into a photography studio! I don't consider myself an awesome photographer at all. But, I have an awesome camera (thanks to Cousin Steve and Ruthy!), and your Mom is awesome at Photoshop, and that seemed to do the trick!

These pictures really just confirm three things for me: 1) your Mom truly makes a beautiful pregnant lady; 3) You're a good looking bump, and have been all the way from the beginning of lime to this, our honeydew period; 3) your Mom takes better photographs than she gives haircuts (note to self- pay for haircuts).

Attempting some Jedi Mind Tricks

Elegant Honeydew!

My Honey and our Honeydew

Take amazing pictures?

Honey done!

Even though you're no longer a squash, and you're definitely getting more and more squashed with each passing day, you make a peach of a honeydew!

It's official...

It's now 2010-- the year in which you'll be born! We're 31 weeks now. You could be here in as little as 5 weeks! But, your Mom is still hoping you stay in there for 9 weeks, simply because February is a pretty crowded birthday month in our family and March is mostly unclaimed territory!

But, your Mom may be changing her tune relatively soon. In the past couple of days her back has been getting more and more sore, and she hasn't been able to find that "sweet spot" for sleeping.

In fact, last night before we went to bed, your Mom said these infamous words:

"It's official: I'm uncomfortable."

But not to worry: you're doing everything you're supposed to be doing. You're growing, kicking, hiccupping, sleeping and (I think) sometimes you're dancing too. But maybe you don't have to dance right on your mother's spine.

Now that you weight at least 3 pounds and are about 16 inches long (from head to toe), it makes sense that your mother is officially (on the record) uncomfortable! You're nearing your birth length! But, you're probably not even halfway to your birthweight yet. So, maybe, by the end of this month, your Mom will be rooting for a February baby!

Bed, White, Black and Back

As you continue to grow, your Mom's tiny back starts to hurt more and more. We've already taken some not-so-drastic steps to try to help her back, including Preggoga, Body Pillows, Massages, Heat Packs, Exercises, walks and acupuncture. All of that is true except for the acupuncture.


But a few weeks ago we tried something a little more drastic. We gave your canine brothers the boot. Preston and Toby (or "black" and "white," as we refer to them when we don't want them to know we're talking about them (yes, we're weird (but, yes, it works)) have slept in bed with us since they were puppies. They are both good snugglers and cuddlers and like to curl up in little balls, mostly on your Mother's side of the bed...mostly directly on your mother. Of course we knew we were breaking the cardinal sin of dog-raising by letting them sleep with us (that puts on equal ground instead of establishing us as leader of the pack). But, seriously...could you say 'no' to these faces?

But, as the belly and your Mom's discomfort grew, the dogs sleeping habits (which are acutally just OUR human sleeping habits) started causing more and more discomfort. She couldn't be pinned down by the close-sleeping canine comrades any longer. And then, when the body pillow came, the dogs got displaced and encroached on my side of the bed. Our queen bed suddenly felt like a tiny twin and Holly and I had a talk. A very serious talk. It went a little something like this:

Aaron: "I think we need to start training the dogs to not sleep in bed with us."

Holly: "Okay!"

So, night one came and we just didn't lift the dogs into bed no matter how much they begged. Luckily, our bed is so high that they can't get up there themselves.

After a few minutes of whining, the dogs gave up and went to sleep on the couch. Two nights later they didn't even beg to get into bed anymore.

This was much more painful on the humans than it was on the dogs. I was so subconciously worried that we had hurt their doggy feelings that I had tortured dreams of the dogs pooping in bed or messing things up. One night, in my sleep, I even went and found Toby and brought him to bed.

But, two weeks in to the no-dogs-in-bed experiment, and we're no worse for the wear. The dogs still love us (trust us, we know) and the curl up every night on the very cumfy green couch. And we've reclaimed what piece of the queen bed the body pillow leaves us with.

But, your Mom's back is still hurting her!

Thinking that, perhaps, the softness of our bed has been doing her back in, your Mom decided to try sleeping upstairs on the guest bed since it's a little firmer. Now, when the guest bed WAS our bed, I only had nice things to say for it. Granted, we bought it out of some guy's storage locker after seeing an ad in the newspaper, but it was comfortable enough!

Apparently, sleeping on the King Coil pillowtop amazing mattress we now have has spoiled me and my little back. After sleeping upstairs, I awoke feeling as if I had been broken into a million pieces...upper back, lower back, parts of my back I didn't even know I had...they were all hurting.

Your mother's back felt mostly the same as it did after sleeping in the real bed. Major experiment fail. We were back in the King Coil pillowtop soft-bed heaven last night, and my back is now fully repaired. Your Mom's...not so much.

But, not to worry, for her birthday, Mimi and Pops got your Mom a pre-natal back massage at a massage parlor. Hopefully this will work. If not, maybe we'll try swaping with Preston and Toby-- they sleep like little babies on the couch and never complain about sore backs.

Preggo Yoga, or Preggoga [(c) Aaron Weinstein]

Your Mom's back has been hurting her recently. Why? you may ask. Well, we're pretty sure it's a normal part of pregnancy: the growing weight of a big baby bump adds pressure to the spine-- it's arching out more to compensate for the extra weight. And so, to help her back feel better, your Mom has relied on a time-tested technique: complaining about it.



Okay, maybe she's only doing some minor griping, and she totally deserves to gripe about it. If I had to carry a watermelon (actually more like a mango inside a small watermelon) around all the time without being able to use my hands, I'd whine too. Or maybe I'd make a fruit salad. But, that's not an option here.

So, I've been resorting to one back-pain remedy a lot: the back massage. I don't want to creep you out- and I know it will, because it creeps me out to see Mimi and Pops engage in any more physical contact than a high five, hand hold or hug- but, I've been performing back massages to rave reviews. The reviews normally go something like this:

Me: "All done. How did that feel?"

Your Mom: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

But, massages aren't cutting the mustard any more. So, I suggested we bust out the prenatal pilates and yoga DVDs that have been collecting dust. Exercise is good for any body, but prenatal yoga is supposed to be super good for the pregnant body. And just for good measure, I figured I'd tag along and try the work out with your Mom too. Enter: Shiva Rea Prenatal Yoga.

We've done pilates and yoga before. But this Prenatal stuff was weird.

First of all, you know how they say that everything looks flattering on a pregnant woman? Well, that's still true...as long as it's YOUR pregnant woman. Everyone in this video was wearing a form fitting unitard (see Shiva, above), and it left nothing to the imagination. Plus, I was jealous because I don't have a unitard and I probably would have looked lumpier than the pregnant-est yogaer in one.

Secondly, the video had three women (each in different trimesters) demonstrating how the more pregnant you get, the less mobile you become. The third trimester workout lady (who was probably due to deliver right at the end of the video) basically sat in a chair and did the hand jive the whole time.

Our oddly-named pregnant yoga hippy for second trimester folks, Britta (which Shiva Rea insisted on pronouncing as "Brit. Ta." (as if we didn't know there were two t's), was fortunately mobile enough to still get a good work out in. And your mother followed along very well, stretching and breathing and kegeling and all that.

I, on the other hand, was still freaked out by the unitards. Maybe it was the fact that each trimester lady had a different color on: red, green and blue. And this color combination always reminds me of "Alvin and the Chipmunks" who always freaked me out. Partially because they're talking chipmunks. Partially because they don't wear pants. And partially because of this photo from my childhood which was recently unearthed:

More frightening than My Little Ponies.

And don't get me started on Shiva Rea's odd pronunciation habits. By the 30th time she said exhale as "ex-ale," I'd had enough. Plus, I couldn't participate in the 15 minute kegel workout, so I bowed out.

But, don't worry, I stayed on the sidelines to make sure our star Yoga-er wouldn't fall over or anything. And she didn't fall over! At the end of an hour of Preggo Yoga, or Preggoga (which I've copyrighted), your Mom felt great. Her back was feeling better, she felt relaxed and refreshed. I guess she didn't have giant Chipmunk related trauma as a child.

But, the first thing your Mom said after Yoga was the following: "I need a giant bowl of cereal."

So, this silly workout was actually a pretty good workout! She worked up an appetite (which would have happened anyway), and she worked out her back-- giving her more strength and flexibility for you to continue to grow and grow.

And, judging by the picture below of you at 19 weeks, we're gonna be experiencing a lot more back pain, and a lot more "ex-aling" with Prenatal Yoga workouts.